I couldn’t sleep. The air is wet and I can’t stop my brain from rolling things around, tumbling the stupidest things over and over and over.
Things I am stressed about: having to make a snap decision today about whether or not to order a roof before price increases (today) and what color the roof should be, learning yesterday afternoon that the in-laws are coming to visit today through the Fourth and the air conditioning is still not working, various work-related things, dealing with my careening emotions, weekends, it’s supposed to hail and storm more tonight, BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Positives:
1. The drain in the basement is fixed now, thanks to a plumber who came yesterday and cleared it of disgusting flood debris. This means we can wash dishes again without flooding the utility room with dirty water. 2. I got the toilet disaster mess cleaned up out of the studio, and am back to just needing to get things reorganized from our flood. 3. The insurance does (mostly) cover a new roof. 4. Summer will not last forever. 5. Jut put in the new sump pump, and it works. This, combined with the fixed drain, means our basement will hopefully stay dry for a while. 6. I have developed a delicious apathy regarding how clean the house should be for guests. Plus my husband does a ton. 7. Even though we have been stressed, and I have felt so snappy/out of it/bitchy, Jut and I can still sit down and talk, still make each other laugh. 8. I saw his story in the journal, all fancy and printed with pictures. My husband is good. 9. Last night while we were watching tv, I got super hot and went upstairs where I proceeded to sweat everywhere and (after a long period of time thinking I was going to die of SWEAT) throw up. (I’m blaming the heat, stress, and some suspicious blue berries.) This is in the positive list because Monk, the ever-dignified Monk, sat beside me and waited. Also, because my husband was nice. They were both nice.
We had a good talk, last night. I told Jut how I’ve felt so cranky, so snappy. Anxious and depressed and angry with nothing in particular. I told him I felt worried about how I’ve been handling this anger. We talked about escapism, our feelings, and summers.
Hay is being brought in. I’ve never seen a place so thick with fireflies.
Love,
black sheeped
July 2, 2008 at 10:04 am
Oh, FIREFLIES. I had never seen those little bits of heaven until I moved to DC. They are PURE MAGIC. Oh, I would just plop down in the grass and hang out for an hour a night, just surrounded by these celestial little guys…oh. LOVE.
I am so glad you talk to Jut. You snagged yourself a fine one, there. (So did he.)
Keep pushing on – soon you will have things in good working order. As my friend Joe says, COURAGE.
July 2, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I don’t know how you do it (stay so positive). I would have run away by now (or maybe not). Sometimes when things go really wrong I can hear the Benny Hill theme music in the background and I feel like I’m in some weird comedy skit that is just ridiculous!! Then I just remember little nemo and start saying “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming”.
It helps!! hahaha
July 2, 2008 at 12:24 pm
hahaha, this reminds me of the pst I need to make about how there is a soundtrack to my life and for every thing that happens there is a song… I need to do that post ;D
July 2, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Die of sweat… That would be quite the way to go, there. Lord, I hate sweating. Hate. It. In fact, I remember distinctly, in the midst of labor pains, being grateful for how cold the hospital room was because in the movies women are always freaking DRENCHED in sweat while having babies, and frankly, that was one of the parts I was dreading the most. Sweat = gross. So, no epidural, fine. But no AC? Would have ended me.
Hope your summer turns around. You need some fun! Not that bailing water out of your basement doesn’t sound entertaining…