1. This week has been stupid, with each day sort of stupider than the last.
2. The ultrasound was interesting. I saw my ovaries, and also did not pee anywhere inappropriate. I won’t know anything for a week, or maybe more. They ran some other tests, too, on other body parts. My other parts are fine.
3. SATURDAY WILL NEVER GET HERE.
4. At work I’ve been learning a bit about structural building stuff, ceilings and roofs and walls and support and load-bearing. It’s been satisfying. Also: sometimes I am shocked at how simple and frail our little human homes are. I mean, they are strong. But also frail.
Never mind.
5. Last week I fell down twice in 24 hours, because I am graceful.
6. I started a feeble organize-my-closet project over the weekend. Each night I’ve sort of poked at it/made more of a mess. The contents of my closet are now sort of eating the entire room (I have the closet in our book room–our closets are too tiny for us to share the bedroom closet) and I’m not sure what I was thinking, exactly.
7. I realized, Sunday morning, just how depressed I’ve been and how the summer is gone. Jut pointed out that every time I realize and admit that I’ve been depressed, I am coming back out of it.
8. We have a renegade pumpkin plant growing out of our compost heap. It’s big. The tiny starts of pumpkins get bigger every day. We have a renegade stalk of corn growing up against our patio. Out of all the poppy seeds I planted in the spring, only one tiny sprout survived the summer and made it out of the ground. I was startled to see it Monday evening. Tiny fuzzy leaves.
9. Sometimes Coltrane snores.
Love,
black sheeped
August 28, 2008 at 7:27 am
I’m sorry that the week has been stupid, and that you’ve been depressed. I hope Jut is right that you are coming out of it. Ultrasounds are fascinating. I had one of my heart once. It was amazing.
August 28, 2008 at 7:57 am
I think that’s very true about realization = the approach of the end of a depression cycle. For me that seems to be true. I realized the day before my ultrasound that I had been feeling pretty depressed, overall, about being pregnant. Not about the idea of a BABY, per se, but just the thought of having three little kids under four. Every time I started to imagine how that would be, I would sink further into horror/ overwhelmed terror. So now, despite the crying and disappointment and grief that the pregnancy has failed, I also feel like I’m maybe rounding a corner from the low mood that has engulfed me the last three or four weeks. I realize that’s weird, maybe, but I feel like I’m at least owning my feelings and getting some closure about the whole episode.
Whew. That was kind of about me and not you, huh? Sorry.
I MEAN, I hope you get to feeling better, more cheerful, and that Saturday is here before you know it!
August 28, 2008 at 11:48 am
This has been a shit week all around. SATURDAY, QUIT STALLING.
Re: #7. I am so glad you are on the tail end of this latest journey, and I am so, so glad that Jut recognizes where you are.
Miss you.
August 28, 2008 at 3:58 pm
My mom is the same: when she finally starts talking about how down and crabby and depressed she’s been, the worst is over.