Black Sheeped

Tomorrow, if things go as planned, we’ll be loading up a rented truck and moving the majority of our belongings to the new house in the new town.  We still haven’t sold this house, we’re in the sketchy place between Last Paycheck of the Old Job(s) and First Paycheck of the New Job(s), and Coltrane threw up in my flip-flops.

Which, really, is okay.  Flip-flops hurt my feet and toes SO MUCH.

We took a carload of art supplies to the new place yesterday.  We found a blue bowling ball in a closet, engraved with the name “Juanita.”  The holes fit Jut’s fingers perfectly.

Important things to know about the new house:

1.  It’s a ton bigger than our current place.  This means that when Jut and I are on the couch, and the four pets cram in on/around us, it will make even less sense, because there is A TON OF SPACE, IDIOTS.    GET OFF OF THE LAPTOP KEYBOARD.

2.  There is room for a table.  (CRAZY.)  It has a pantry, lots of (dry) basement storage, an appropriate amount of  closet space, and a bathroom vanity that is big enough for two people to use at the same time.

3.  There are two (2) toilets.

4.  It has a laundry chute and a can chute.  (No cats will be dropped into chutes of any kind.)  (They will, however, be threatened with chute-dropping.)  (Especially when one of them vomits in a shoe.)   (Which happens more than it should.)

5.  Two of the rooms, adjacent to each other, are perfect for my studio and Jut’s office/writing space.  His room has built-in bookshelves.  (I know!)  The closet in that room is where we found Juanita.

6.  The lawn has been carefully landscaped, with mulch and landscaping block and shrubs and a little fountain/pond.

a.  THE FOUNTAIN HAS GOLDFISH IN IT.

b.  How soon until I and/or the dogs crap up the painstakingly manicured lawn?  I’m guessing…soon.

Important things to know about the new town:

1.  It’s tiny.  As in, there’s only one employee at the post office, so we had to get a post office box.  I think it has around 1000 citizens.

2.  They pick up recyclables on the curb!  With the trash!  And the town participates in a recycling program for used clothing.

3.  Everything is within walking or biking distance.

So, tomorrow!

While I was freaking out about the fish yesterday, and poking around the fountain to learn how it works (still no idea), I noticed something horrifying growing in the mulch.  Um…it looked like this:

And this:

And…this:

Elegant stinkhorns.

The best part is, they smell putrid.  I read the scent described as a mixture of “rotting carrion and feces.”

Love,

black sheeped